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Apr 10

Free Radicals

I want to start off this entry by stating that I am a fan of the show South Park. I feel that in 14 seasons on the air the show has not missed a beat and is still one of the funniest things on television. The pull no punches and never take the easy way out. What is most amazing is that they produce such quality in such a short time. Their season does not have them writing and animating months before airing. It’s my understanding that they usually complete their episodes on Tuesday for a Wednesday airing. Cannibal the Musical aside Matt and Trey have yet to put out anything that does not make me laugh my ass off. Needles to say this entry will be extremely biased.

If you have been paying attention, the two creators of South Park have recently been called out publicly by a website called revolutionmuslim.com. They were told that should they insult the prophet Mohammed that they will probably meet a fate the same as Theo Van Gogh. If you are not aware of the situation regarding Van Gogh, he was a Dutch film maker who was murdered by a Muslim who took extreme exception to his film Submission which addresses the treatment of women in the Muslim world. I have seen Submission and you should too. It’s a powerful piece of film with a strong message. It is in English and available all over the internet. Just a warning though, there are boobies.

So the internet tough guys at revolutionmuslim.com have for all intensive purposes put out their own jihad against Matt and Trey because they have “insulted the prophet.” I saw the episode and can’t really find where they insulted him. They stated very clearly that Mohammed is the only person throughout history who is not fair game. They followed the letter of the law(not actual laws, but the laws that some subscribe to.) They did not in any way depict his image. These douches obviously choose to have a literal interpretation of sharia, and not a conceptual one. I bet they follow everything to the letter of the law, so how can they get mad for this? Matt and Trey found a loophole. Give them credit.

Let’s look at these pillars of the community. The group was started by a man named Joseph Cohen. Yep you got that right, they were started by a self hating Jew who converted to Islam. They follow the teachings of a man named Abdullah el-Faisal, a radical who is quoted as saying “Our way is the bullet, not the ballot.” Good looking out “holy man.” The same piece of crap who was convicted of soliciting the murder of Jews, Americans, Christians and Hindus. I will give Mr. Cohen credit as he has since left the group because he felt them to be too radical.

Now I am not here to dispute religion or God. Personally I am a big fan of God, but not a fan of his supporters. What I want to call into question is the way people carry out what they believe to be his will. Man is a flawed creature, so how on earth can we really know what God’s will is? If we do accept the believe that The Koran was written by God himself how can we know what he really meant? The book is more than 1200 years old. That was a long time ago. I have trouble knowing what my wife wants most of the time and I live with her. Also if you claim to truly know what God’s will is, having an absolute understanding of his wishes, doesn’t that make you just like God? I’m not a religious scholar, but is that not blasphemy? I have an idea, if you are claiming to speak for him shouldn’t you preface your statements by saying “I’m not 100% sure but from knowing what I know, and all that I have studied, I believe in my heart that this is God’s will. Do with it what you may.”

While researching this blog I did go to revolutionmuslim.com but the site was down. I did however find their blog. These kooks do a great job of trying to convince themselves that their views are correct and without dispute, almost as if God himself wrote them. They blame American imperialism for all the ills of the world. The same imperialist country that gives them the freedom to be pussies from behind a keyboard. Am I doing the same as they, sure. But these are my feelings, beliefs and opinions. They belong completely to me and never for a second do I say that they have the endorsement of God. I admit whole heartedly that I have no idea what his will is. I’m just going to try my best to be a decent person and hope when my life ends that him and I are okay. Isn’t that the best anybody can do?

So as of the writing of this blog, I did not see how they followed up the treatment of Mohammed. I set my DVR for the later showing and instead of 201 I got Scrotie Mc Boogerballs. Hopefully it will be online later and I can watch those infidel pigs and laugh my ass off. And to the cowards at revolutionmuslim.com I have some advice for you. If you hate this country so much buy a ticket to Iraq and behave like other “soldiers of God” have in the past. Put down the keyboard and pick up a gun. Walk up to the closest U.S. soldier you see with said gun and watch as he sends you to see Allah faster than you can say “Holy Shit, what the Fuck am I doing?”

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Acting All Ghetto, Rhymin and stealin, White People

Apr 10

Gangster or Gangsta…it’s all the same to me

TheGhettoist

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I am Italian. When you think of Italians, what is the one stereotype that enters everybody’s mind? That we are all in the mob. Well I could tell you if that were the case, the mob would be pretty damn crowded and pretty freaking powerful. I do contend this though, if you are Italian and you live in one of the boroughs of New York City, then there is a chance you know somebody or are related to somebody who has had dealings with organized crime. I know I sure have.

My Mafia pedigree starts at the very beginning of La Cosa Nostra. As a kid growing up my grandfather would tell me tales of his uncle, a man named Joe Adonis. If you have never heard the name, Adonis was one of the founders of The National Crime Syndicate (the precursor to Cosa Nostra.) The man’s list of misdeeds is long and distinguished. Eventually deported along with his close friend Luck Luciano, Adonis lived a life of luxury in Milan but died of a heart attack when he was taken by Italian police for an interrogation. My grandfather would regale me with tales of how his family led by his uncle Joey A ran Brooklyn, even roughing up Al Capone during his Brooklyn days. Now as a kid I fell in love with these stories. But as an adult I am not sure how involved in the mob my grandfather was, but I still have fond memories of the stories. I know that he was not lying about his relation to Adonis though.

As I grew up on the South Shore of Staten Island I began to notice more and more mob influence. There was the guy who lived down the street who spent every sunny day washing his Coupe De’Ville. Yes there was a red plastic horn and Vanillaroma air fresheners hanging from the rear view mirror. That car was MINT!. The guy wore track suits with wife beaters under them. The outfit was finished with loafers and gold chains with a big gold Christ’s Head on the end. The guy never went to a job like everybody else on my street, and his house was the only one I had ever seen that had its own security cameras.

High school saw headlines like Godfather whacked outside Sparks steakhouse. ”Hey his name was Castellano. I wonder if he was related to that guy in my math class who lives in a mansion on Todt Hill and has his own tennis court. Hey where is that guy who was in my math class, he hasn’t been in school since that Don guy was shot?” Another incident involved a body being found in the basement of Paul’s Sweet Shop in New Dorp. “Didn’t my friend Franks parents own that place?” The body was a of a man who took was reported to have shot at John Gotti on a Queen’s street. There was an investigation and the police were looking for another guy who was in my English class sophomore year. The same guy who’s father was alleged to own The infamous Ravenite Social Club. It was the same guy who accused me of disrespecting him after I called him out in a bar for punching a girl in the bathroom because she wouldn’t blow him. It was the same guy who would get 3 to 10 and have to pay back $14.1 million for a real estate scam that had he and his (biological) family members selling properties they really didn’t own. Real stand up guy huh?

On Staten Island, the mob was everywhere. I’d get calls from my cousin telling me he had just come from a BBQ on Lambert’s Lane. He was in the backyard of a guy named Sammy The Bull. He described it as sick and also told me that he was told not to eat all the smoked mozzarella as Mr. Gravano would get pissed. Time eventually told what would happen when Sammy The Bull got pissed. My cousin wasn’t a gangster, he was a stock broker; but he followed the mob like I followed The Giants. If there were an Alphonse Persico trading card he would have surely had it.

When I left Shaolin, I moved to the other mob haven, Howard Beach Queens. It wasn’t planned, but sometimes life lays a path for you. While I was there, I made friends with a woman. She would tell me it probably wasn’t best to talk to her if I was a cop, that her family was pretty well known and not for good things. Now in my life I had known people who talked up their families and this woman would not reveal who her family was. I had no evidence of her O.C. (that’s Organized Crime and not Orange County)connection. She had an Irish last name so I knew she wasn’t one of the Gottis. Eventually she revealed to me that there was a character in a movie based on her father. I’m not going to say which one but let’s just say I used to wonder if money from a heist of a certain German airline was still in her house. Still can’t figure it out…Jeeze, just IMDB Robert DeNiro.

Last week I was talking to my friend Joaquin “Jack” Garcia. Jack’s a big guy 6’4″ 390lbs but he’s one of the nicest, most likeable humble people you will meet. We were comparing notes about gangsters we knew in common. Haven’t heard of Jack? He was born in Cuba and since coming to this country he has become a New York Times bestselling author, and Benicio DelToro has signed on the play him in a movie. Not sure how they will handle the size difference things. He also has his own show on www.shovio.com with New York radio legend Valerie Smaldone. Oh and by the way, Jack also has the distinction of the only FBI agent to ever be offered to be a made man. Silly gangsters, Jack’s not even Italian. You might be saying well Joe Pistone did the same thing as Donnie Brasco, but the truth was (and not by any means am I diminishing what Pistone did) they were expecting it now making Jack’s job even harder.

Having grown up with the mob’s influence around me never really tempted me to enter that life. I had what I considered a healthy admiration, but never an envy. Gangsters to me were kind of like characters in fiction. They weren’t real people. They existed in real life, but their lives were not real. They did things that were bad, horrible even. They violated commandments and laws. Maybe my sense of morality was too strong? Maybe it was that when I played cops and robbers I always chose the cop? Maybe my family connection to law enforcement was too strong?

To look at the family I consider the opposite of my own I looked at the 60 Minutes interview of John Gotti Jr. that took place last Sunday. I viewed the video with the intention of hating Junior. He’s a notorious asshole and his claims that he’s left the mob behind were about as believable to me as The Octomom’s saying she just wants to be a normal mom. But while watching something struck a chord with me. He was talking about how he idolized his father and how he wanted to live up to the legend that was his dad. Now my father did not make headlines like John Gotti Sr. did, but there was more than one occasion that I would see my father ride up on horseback. His NYPD Mounted Unit uniform absolutely perfect. His leather good polished with a shine that would rival shoes polished by Tommy DeVito. His gold sergeant’s chevrons and gold band on his helmet stood out from the rest of his troops. He was just a sergeant at the time, but to a twelve year old kid, he might as well been a general. When you turn on the television and your father is leading the St. Patrick’s Day Parade down 5th Avenue and you’re not the least bit Irish, it sets a pretty lofty goal to reach.

I did identify with Junior a bit, but there is no way I can let him off the hook. He blames his choice of careers on the fact that he grew up in Howard Beach and that was the way the streets were. Really Junior? The streets of Howard Beach? The streets of Howard Beach are some of the quietest in the whole city. It’s also one of the first neighborhoods plowed when the snow hits the ground. Howard Beach might be really close to East New York, but geography is the only similarity those two neighborhoods share. Any turmoil in that neighborhood was caused by punks like you and Fat Nick Minucci. The neighborhood is not without its charm though. New Park Pizzeria (or Last Stop Pizzeria as I like to call it for its role in the 1986 racially motivated homicide) makes an awesome slice, one of the best I ever had.

Junior and pretty much all gangsters share one trait in common, they are all sociopaths. The chemistry of their brains allow them to do what normal people are not able to do, act as if heinous actions against others are okay, just because it’s their own will. It doesn’t matter what color you are either. Crip or Blood, Latin King, or MS-13, they’re all sociopaths and all cowards as well. it doesn’t take much to run with a crew of twenty knuckleheads who have the same mindset. Try walking on your own some time. The fact of the matter is the only people these entities provide protection to their members only from themselves.

I have to admit I find it disturbing when people let young men in urban areas off the hook for their actions. I often hear that dealing drugs and gangs are the only way out of the ghetto. It’s the only way they will make money, that’s why they join. Yeah well Italians have the same option but the overwhelming majority don’t follow in that path. What happened to hard work? What happened to find out what you are good at and exploiting that to the fullest? That’s how you make money, not by swearing an oath of loyalty and having your finger pricked, not by putting on a certain color bandana. That’s what I believe and that’s what I will tell my son should he ever seek an career in unethical pursuits. Gangstas and gangsters cost the good people of New York and the U.S. billions of dollars every year. Whether it’s for the salary of extra beat cop who has to walk along Pennsylvania Avenue because of increased shootings, or all the money that is paid in extortion at business who have to pass the cost on to you, or it could be for the extra money that is built into construction and waste removal by somebody who’s picture in on a blackboard in a government biulding with the word CAPO above it; it’s not about black or white it’s about green.

Well that’s it. I am done with my underworld name dropping. The reality is that I am not proud to know any of those people with the exception of Jack. The man has heart and balls bigger than most of us can only imagine. And if you take nothing else from this entry…don’t join a gang or the mafia.

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Acting All Ghetto, Rhymin and stealin, White People

Apr 10

Legalize it Already!

TheGhettoist

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I want to start off by saying that I am not a pot smoker. Have I smoked pot in my life…HELL YEAH! I started experimenting in my early teens. Then at age 15 I saw my best friend lying in a coffin having been hit by a Staten Island Rapid Transit train while walking the tracks high. I decided I had best lay off the chiba for a bit. Then I became a cop and it’s a big no no to partake. It’s a lose your job kind of no no. Then once I retired I was hanging out at a restaurant with my crazy ex wife when the manager locked the doors. He handed me a cigarette. I told him I didn’t smoke. He told me it was marijuana. I lit it up and let’s just say I didn’t feel right for the next three days. Damn shit got stronger. Isn’t science amazing? Fast forward a few years and I have decided that weed is not for me. If given the choice, I will reach for a smooth, caramel colored glass of Bourbon any day of the week. But I am a big believer that marijuana should be legalized, and this is coming from somebody who has actively fought the war on drugs .

There are arguments on both sides, but I have to admit that the arguments against, have some trouble holding water. People smoke pot. It’s a fact. There is a market for it. The government is missing out on an amazing opportunity to make some easy money. Now I probably won’t bring anything new to the argument. It’s a battle that has been waged over and over again. But let me ask this though, isn’t it about time a politician actually comes out and says they are in favor of marijuana law reform? Can’t somebody with a progressive mindset say they are in favor of legalization and not come off like a kook? And most important they would have to be a Republican (which is highly unlikely) or a Democrat. Ralph Nader ensured us that a third party candidate is not viable on any national platform. Besides, the Marijuana Reform party basically holds the same credibility as the Communist Party.

At the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist, my theory is that there are too many powerful forces at work to prevent this and even if there was a candidate who came out with a platform of legalization it would be too easy to paint a picture of that person as a hippie, and we know that there are two types of people who hate hippies…Eric Cartman, and true blooded Americans.

If it were legalized there would be entities with lots to lose. The pharmaceutical companies for one would lose out on big bucks. People reach for the pill of the month to cure anxiety, depression, compulsive behavior. There is strong evidence that in certain cases weed cures those ailments. There is also strong evidence that it can cause those conditions as well. My theory is that for some people it is very good, for others their body chemistry is just not suited to be smokers. I have a friend who suffers from bi-polar disorder and he takes 30 separate pills a day. He said none of them give him the same positive effects as lighting up a big fat spliff.

I also can’t see liquor companies being too happy about the allowance of weed. Some folks not wanting to violate the law would reach for a boll as opposed to a bottle. I’m thinking tobacco companies won’t be too happy about it either as when you really think about it, there is only so much smoke you can put into your body in a single day. The stuff can be grown pretty much anywhere and under many different environments, and it’s just plain aggressive. There is a reason they call it weed.

Now I am by no means saying to lift the prohibition and let the inmates run the asylum, by no means. We do a pretty good job of regulating alcohol production, we can do the same with pot. You can’t just grow it, you would need a permit to grow and sell it. In addition there would be a hefty tax on it. People are willing to shell out $40 for a good bottle of wine, what about $40 for some quality hydro? If we look at things objectively we are willing to pay close to a trillion dollars to bail out corrupt financial institutions who acted unethically but yet we turn up our noses at a revenue stream that many people want. If put to a popular vote, I bet marijuana law reform passes a hell of a lot easier than any one on gay marriage.

Now we all know what will happen the second it’s legal and available. People are going to act like assholes. It’s a fact that when given too much freedom Americans act like assholes. People would be abusing the stuff just because they can. There would be an increase of accidents initially. People would show up to work high as opposed to hung over. You wouldn’t be able to find a frozen pizza or a copy of Pink Floyd The Wall anywhere. Once the novelty of finally being allowed to smoke is gone we just might settle down and behave like human beings. It’s not a quick process, but then again when is real change ever quick?

I know I am not the only law enforcement officer (current or past) who shares this belief. I do know that most that I know felt weed collars were a big of a waste of time and money. I mean you have to compare US crime statistics to Amsterdam. They are 1/10 of what they are here. How can you deny that? Look at one of the most legendary crime figures in the country, Al Capone. Would he have been the same folk hero if had it not been for prohibition?

Like I stated earlier, I am not brining any new arguments to the table. I am fully aware of this; but I feel it bears stating. Hell I am not even a smoker. If it were legal, I admit I will probably partake just to have a lost weekend some time. It’s like a vacation without ever leaving home. Don’t worry I’ll send the baby to grandma’s. Unfortunately I can’t see any of the old white men in power pulling the ripcord on a hemp parachute any time soon. They just have too much to lose in the wallet and reputation department.

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Acting All Ghetto, These Are The Breaks, White People

Apr 10

The Joke is not so Funny Anymore

TheGhettoist

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Sorry it’s been so long since my last entry. I came down with a severe case of writer’s baby. If you have never heard of the condition, it occurs when you sit down on your couch, pick up your laptop and formulate two coherent sentences. As soon as you start the third one a toddler is grabbing you by your index finger and leading you to the kitchen to show you how he took everything out of your silverware drawer and put it in the garbage pail. He is so incredibly helpful.

So I wanted to write about an incredibly historic day in one of everybody’s least favorite urban neighborhoods. Yesterday Sharpe James was sent home from The FCI Petersburg Low. Never heard of it, well you can see a lovely photo of it on the Federal Bureau of Prison’s website. If you’re not from these parts you might not know the name of Sharpe James. James was the mayor of Newark, New Jersey who was indicted on 25 criminal charges ranging from mail fraud (never fuck with the mail,) wire fraud and conspiracy. He was convicted on five and sentenced to 27 months. The man was legendary in The NYC metro area. He was mayor for 20 years. In addition he was also a state senator of New Jersey for ten of those years. Wait a second, hold the phone. He held two elected posts at the same time? Hmm, I’m thinking I might be able to hold two elected posts at the same time. The first being P.T.A. president, while at the same time being the North East Chairman of The Justin Bieber Fan Club. Not the mayor for the 65th largest city in the country, and a senator for an entire district as well. If we look at James’ laundry list indiscretions we see a modern day Boss Tweed without the cool middle name of Marcy, oh and without the results as well. Tweed was corrupt, maybe the most corrupt but in between stealing millions he did accomplish a good deed or two.

So with James now out (and finishing out his term in a half way house) if he ever goes back to the scene of his crimes he will see a very different Newark than the one he sucked dry. Newark had always been a joke of a city. It is the largest city in the metro area that is not one of the five boroughs. From as long as I can remember it has always been straight up ghetto, but a second rate one at that. Nobody swelled with pride to say they were” representin Brick City.” Not like you would if you were from Jamaica, or Brownsville which had the nickname of A Square Mile of Death. When you hailed from East New York, you could brag that the Seven Five Precinct had more murders than most of the cities in America. Growing up, the joke was that Newark was so crappy that even the airport didn’t want to be there. This stems from the fact that Newark Liberty Airport is actually in Elizabeth, New Jersey and not Newark.

Then all of a sudden something changed. The laughter just stopped. Well actually it wasn’t sudden, but I remember waking up one day and saying to myself “Is Newark a respectable city now?” The fact of the matter is that Newark will never be confused with the Upper West Side, but you cannot deny that the place has made huge strides to becoming a place where people don’t have to cower in shame when they say they come from it. If you have to put your finger on what the biggest factor for that change it’s pretty obvious that it all falls on the lap of one man, Cory Booker.

Now when I say that Cory Booker is responsible for the turnaround I should really say that it falls on the backs of Booker and the men and women who serve under him. But what I can pin squarely on the shoulders of Booker is that he allowed those people to do their respective jobs. I’ve seen firsthand what a mayor can actively do to reduce crime. I was hired as a police officer under David Dinkins. Whenever the shit hit the fan we were told that angry mobs just need to vent. Really? A group of heated up idiots taking to the streets to behave lawlessly is an entity that should be allowed to exist? Is it any wonder that Dinkins held the distinction of being the mayor who had the highest murder rates on his watch. This is not joke, just look at videos of The Crown Heights Riots. Under St. Rudy (I’m not a fan, but you can’t argue with his results) the amount of murders dropped to the lowest levels in forty years. Booker seems to have charted a course for the same results.

Newark hit a milestone last week by going thirty eight consecutive days with without a single murder. Now this is just plain amazing. Cory Booker and his cops have managed to not have anybody killed intentionally by another person for more than a month. But at the same time I think about it, is it that big of an accomplishment to not kill? I’ve gone 39 years without killing, using this logic shouldn’t the media be covering my every step then? I’m not a bible scholar, nor am I that religious but I wholeheartedly understand the commandment Thou Shall Not Kill. There are times I’d like to violate it, but I don’t.

So I would like to congratulate Mayor Booker and the entire Newark Police Department for reaching their milestone. I mean they do have a former brilliant NYPD guy in Garry McCarthy at the helm calling the shots. Most of all I would like to congratulate the citizens of Newark, New Jersey for behaving like human beings for a short period of time. Stay Classy Newark, Stay Classy!

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Acting All Ghetto, These Are The Breaks

Mar 10

Strike a Pose

TheGhettoist

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Last week there was a bit of a controversy involving Gaborey Sidibe. The powers that be over at Vogue said they will not be featuring the rookie actress in any issue as she is “too fat.” This caused some outrage and controversy. In addition Howard Stern came under fire for saying that she is not part of Hollywood and will vanish pretty quick because of her weight. As much as I hate to do so, I have to defend those two entities. I have to tell you Vogue is 100% correct in their actions and Howie, is probably right.

I have to start by saying I am not a vogue subscriber. I don’t read the publication. I have thumbed through it but only as any other man does, to look at pretty ladies and hope for a glimpse of boob. In addition I am no fan of the fashion industry. I have worked indirectly in the industry and I have to tell you the stereotype of the shallow fashionista is based very much in fact. Many (not all) people who work in fashion believe they are doing God’s work. They think that by designing shoes and purses that their chosen career rivals surgeons who remove malignant tumors from cancer patients. I bet if you surveyed ten cancer patients they would probably vote for the surgeon as having more important role.

The editor and chief of Vogue Anna Wintour is legendary for her diva (there was another word I wanted to use that begins with a C…you can figure it out)like behavior. Editor please! In spite of your self-important view, you’re no more important to the planet than Rob Schneider. I am sure when fashion week rolls around you feel like a big deal, and to your staff of servants in your Hampton’s estate you are the center of the universe, but lady you and I breathe the same exact air. Can you see my disdain with Vogue and the fashion industry itself? Guess I’m not getting a job writing for Conde Nast any time soon. I’m okay with it, I will keep my soul.

The other critic of Gabby is Howard Stern. I am not a fan of Stern. I just plain don’t find him funny. This has nothing to do with his raunchiness either. I am a Sirius subscriber, but you never see me tuning in to Howard 100. I will say that channel 197 The Virus is on my presets. I laugh my ass off every time I listen to Opie and Anthony. They’re just funnier and edgier. They also seem to understand that what they are doing is for an audience and not some self indulgent exercise in ego stroking.

I will never deny Stern’s legacy. He was at one time cutting edge and relevant. His wit and antics were a machete that cut through a sea of boredom and fake politically correctness for the sake of preserving sponsors. He set the bar really high and I feel like he might have been his own worst enemy. It’s hard to live up to the image he created. As time went on he got complacent and lazy. The last time I seriously listened to him, he was bitching because he didn’t like the limo his driver picked out for him. Are you serious? Are you that out of touch with your listeners? You have your fanboys who eat shit like this up, but the average listener does not want to hear about your model wife, Hampton’s mansion and how your chauffeur is an asshole.

It’s hard to defend the positions of two entities you have a strong dislike of, but I’ll do my best. In order to write this entry I shelled out the $4.99 and watched Precious on pay-per-view. It wasn’t a movie that I was interested to see, as I have a hard time relating to urban literature sometimes. I’m down with a lot of stuff in the hood, but Zane and other urban authors don’t speak to me. It’s probably because most of the work is geared towards women. So I did not read the book Push. Besides, people who use one name like Sapphire and don’t have the name recognition annoy the piss out of me. Stop trying to create a persona, you’re a writer not a pop singer.

So I sat through a viewing of Precious. I thought the film was good, I’m not sure if it was worthy of a best picture nomination, but I guess that it was a symptom of the expansion to ten. I have some insider info that if there were eleven nominees that GI Joe:The Rise of Cobra would have been it…and if it weren’t for politics, it surely would have won. Seriously though, I did like the acting in Precious. It was good. Gabby Sidibe proved she could play ghetto, and Monique made me want to throw my television down a flight of stairs just like in the movie every time she appeared on the screen. I can’t stand her to begin with, and she made me hate and respect her at the same time. That’s a pretty strong indication of the performance when you can stir up hatred but still garner respect at your craft. As I write this entry, Monique’s talk show (if you can call it that) is on my television. It might be one of the most amateur productions on any network, ever. And I am not referring to the people behind the scenes. I am addressing the people in front of the camera. But she’s sassy so I guess you have to listen to her.

These two women became their characters. I can’t say any more than any other film critic has already stated. I can imagine to channel these characters could not have been easy. It has to put a black mark on your psyche to be able to live in the darkness that the mother and daughter characters existed in. It could have been easy to take these roles and made them comedic, as the subject matter defies what a rational person would consider natural human behavior(I challenge you to find another species on this planet that would treat their offspring in that manner) , but neither woman fell into that trap. If it were me and I had that kind of talent, then I know I’d need some therapy to recover from the experience. But I ask the question, do we have to reward these woman for the rest of their lives for one role? Unless they perform in their next respective projects they should be treated like every other actor who faded into obscurity.

Should Gabby be on the cover of Vogue…HELL NO! I recently posted as my Facebook Status, “Are we really shocked that Gabourey Sidibe will never appear on the cover of Vogue?” It was more of a commentary on what a shallow bunch of douche bags Vogue was as opposed to anything regarding Gabby’s weight or appearance. I received a comment from a person who I went to grammar school. She wanted to know why Vogue couldn’t do something different and put Gabby in their magazine that the situation as they are creating it sends a bad message to women everywhere. I don’t disagree with her, but Vogue was built on a being vanity elitist. Gabby obviously has inner beauty, but that’s not what Vogue is about. The reality is though that she does not deserve to be worshiped as an object of physical beauty. Vogue does promote unhealthy physical standards for women, but then again so does Gabby. The woman is morbidly obese (my wife the doctor said so, so I am not just throwing the phrase around) and women should not aspire to look like her. You can figure out for yourself what being that fat can do to a human body, I don’t need to give you a lesson in health. I will never have a body like somebody who graces the cover of Muscle and Fitness or even Sports Illustrated (unless they feature a 13 year old girls softball team) no matter how much I lift weights and eat right. I am just not genetically made up for that. That’s just life, but it sends the same message as Vogue.

These magazines make their living on selling a certain image of beauty and shouldn’t have to change. Hollywood and Madison Ave know that sex appeal sell. Ask yourself who would you rather see in a steamy love scene Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston or Kirstie Alley and John Goodman? A friend of mine told me the easiest way to not be racist is to back up your views with unbiased facts. This entry is not so much about race as it is about human nature. Recently Arizona State University released a study that said when companies use regular people in their advertising campaigns that the results were not as positive as when they used models and people based solely on their appearance. When Dove used “real women” the campaign drew raves, but the fact was that it actually hurt sales. People develop lower self esteem by looking at plus sized models compared skinnier ones.

Recently when I was watching The View (it’s okay call me a bitch) and Joy said that writers will now have to keep Gabby in mind when creating roles, and I agreed. Much like the clothes she has custom made for her, roles will have to be specifically written with her in mind. If I look at it from the other side of the coin, I can’t see her being that much of a box office draw where people are going to pay $12 to see projects where she is the centerpiece on a consistent basis. People watch movies for the escapism. They want to live vicariously through the characters they see on the screen for the most part. Sometimes we like to take a masochistic journey through films like Precious. But other times we want to do our best to identify with the ultra dreamy Robert Pattinson. Do you really want to repeatedly take the voyage as somebody you can see every day on the 2 train?

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Acting All Ghetto, These Are The Breaks

Mar 10

Is This the Best Brooklyn can do?

TheGhettoist

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I’ve gotten a lot of guff recently. People have told me that I have turned this blog into a pro-cop apologist rant. They are not incorrect. It’s possible that I have strayed from my original mission statement, and I now risk losing my funding. Well this will be my last cop related entry for a while. This is not so much cop related though as it is entertainment related. Last week I decided to take in a movie and review it, I was going to spend the loot so you didn’t have to.

I took myself to my local multiplex and plopped down the nearly criminal $12.00 to view Brooklyn’s Finest. I did not go into this movie hopeful, and was not surprised when I left the theatre with the same sense of emptiness that I walked in with. Movie food might fill your belly, but do you ever feel satisfied when you walk out? That’s kind of the same feeling I got from this film. Yes my time was occupied by this movie, but I cannot say it was time I felt like I accomplished something. After I saw The Hurt Locker, I felt like I used time wisely even though it was a self indulgent veg out kind of thing. A certain part of my psyche was fed and fed with quality ingredients. Finest was nothing like that. The hollow feeling in my psyche was the same as the one in my belly that was filled with popcorn.

Now I have to qualify this review with my DQ (Douche Quotient) regarding cop movies and cop shows. The first article I ever had published was titled Why I Hate Cop Shows. Don’t go looking for it anywhere. The magazine NY Hotshot has long since folded and the website is now an advertisement for a photographer. I wrote the article back in 2000 and I have always contended that Barney Miller is the best and most realistic cop show ever produced. If I had to pick a cop movie, I would have to go with Fort Apache The Bronx. Whereas those two works in my opinion share a brilliance and have done their 20 and now retired, Finest seems like it just entered the police academy. I watch these films and shows from a little different point of view than most people, but I still am a watcher of film. So like every other person who thinks they are right, I know best.

One area where I have to praise this film for is it’s casting, but only part of it. Don Cheadle is good in everything he does. The man just plain has range, maybe more than any other actor out there. This is the same man who was nearly unrecognizable (and it has nothing to do with his appearance) as Rocket in the movie Colors, is the same one who moved me to tears in Hotel Rwanda. Then by the same token cracked me up as Basher in the Ocean’s Eleven series. In Finest Cheadle plays Tango, an undercover cop who is embedded with a nefarious Brooklyn drug crew. Cheadle was likable but the script had him playing the cliché undercover cop who is “in too deep.” If you plan on seeing the film, I won’t ruin it but his actions at the end of the film had me saying WTF?

One surprise in this film was Wesley Snipes. Snipes’ Cazanova was good and even seemed to have some dimension to him. It was a supporting role, but Wesley seemed to make to most of it, and didn’t try and over act it. I’m glad about this as in light of his recent IRS troubles and lack of quality work in recent years, this might be a good turn for his career. Does this mean that Blade 4 is in the works? I sure hope so.

For me personally the best part of the casting was seeing Michael K. Williams, Hassan Johnson, and Isaiah Whitlock Jr. on the screen. If you’re saying who perhaps if I said Omar Little, Wee Bey, and State Senator Clay Davis you will know exactly who I a speaking of. I’m a huge fan of The Wire and even though I came late to the game watching it(the only season I actually saw when it aired originally was the final one), felt it was the finest piece of television ever produced next to Band of Brothers. It was good to see these three actors working, like seeing three old friends who you haven’t seen in a while. You saw they changed but were still essentially the same people. Williams had the biggest role playing the typical psychotic black drug dealer who has no regard for anything other than getting paper and power.

On the other side, the side of the cops, I can’t find much to praise. It strikes me that these men didn’t spend much time with actual cops, or if they did; the cops didn’t let their real personalities out. Ethan Hawke, a guy who I sometimes see walking around my neighborhood has instant name recognition and will put the asses in the seats, was not a great choice for this role. Hawke came from an upper class background and seemed to have trouble playing a blue collar cop. It seemed to me that he thought to play working class you just need to exchange your wallet for a wooden personality. He did his best to pretend he was Denzel in Training Day, but doesn’t hit the mark. His role has him playing another cliché of the cop who needs money and decides that killing and robbery are the way to go. Before they were given a decent contract, every cop I knew needed money. You know what they did to get money, they worked overtime constantly, or got side jobs. They didn’t take to robbery and murder. His character even takes to turning down overtime. His actions just did not make any sense to me, not as a cop, not as a human being. Shouldn’t there be reasons for a person to take the actions like Hawke did? All we know is that he has twins on the way, and needs to buy a new house. When you violate your oath in ways like his character did, then there has to be more than the typical struggle than what we all face every day. There has to be some sociopathology which the writing and acting did not let on.

Richard Gere was a little closer to the target as the weirdo loner cop. He was stubborn, and slightly on the dim side. He was very set in his ways and most of those ways were pretty flawed. But even the biggest asshole on the department has one or two people that they talked with, joked around with. What struck me was that he had no hobbies, no interests. Those guys usually had something away from the job that kept him going, whether it was fishing, or horses, or trips to Atlantic City. Eddie Dugan had none of that. In one scene he bought a fishing rod, but that was never explored it did nothing to give the character depth. The only hobby he did seem to have was a certain hooker in Chinatown. I can’t say this is far from the truth because it brings me back to a situation where a cop I knew started dumping rounds into the projects when a certain prostitute didn’t service him properly. In the man’s defense it wasn’t his regular girl, so can you really blame him?

So acting aside, the writing of this film needed work. I saw an interview on The View (it’s okay, call me a bitch) where Don Cheadle and Wesley Snipes were discussing how the writer of this film had worked in the subway. As I was watching the film I said to myself often, “Yeah this film was written by an MTA employee.” The guy had a good idea, but it seems like he wrote the story without doing the research. Just because you saw cops occasionally in your job doesn’t mean you understand how things work. I’ve got a theory with cop shows and movies. You either have to go way over the top like they did in a show like The Shield. It was easy to suspend belief and just enjoy the fantasy component, or keep it real like The Wire, and show us the comedy and drama that exists normally in life, especially in that life. You don’t have to manufacture it, it’s there already if you just look hard enough. You don’t have to create a scene like the poker game where the dialogue is unnatural and forced with the stupidity of guns being pulled to create artificial drama.

Am I being a nitpicky douche? Yeah I probably am, but I’m going to be this way till they come out with a cop movie that gets it right in this modern film era. Maybe I will just have to open my copy of Final Draft and write it myself. Then some asshole such as myself will rip me apart, but hopefully he decides he needs to do it right and comes out with something better than what I wrote. Then I will be able to die in peace.

Well that’s it for cop stuff for a while…Back to the hood!

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Acting All Ghetto, Rhymin and stealin, White People

Mar 10

I Don’t Play for No Basketball Team

TheGhettoist

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Ridden the subway in the past few years? It’s midday and you found a seat away from the homeless guy at the end of the car who smells like really good French Cheese and urine. You’re about to really lose yourself in some smut that’s been authored by Zane. You somehow manage to filter out the idiot standing in the doorway who is playing their damn IPOD so loud that you think Akon is actually in the train car with you. You find the place where you left off in Addicted, and it’s getting steamy.

Then without warning, your concentration is broken. “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen.” You cringe a little. You think to yourself, “Shit, Zoe Reynard was just starting to really let go of her inhibitions and now I have to listen to this amateur P.S.A.” It’s right about this time you start to wonder which one will it be? Is it the guy who lost his job and needs to feed his family? Is it old homeless black guy who tells jokes. If I hear “I know where you got your shoes, you got them on your feet,” I might just punch somebody.

Last night the car crier proceeded to let everybody on the train know that he was HIV positive and a brain cancer survivor. He went on to tell us that he was also a marathon runner and the head of his own foundation. As if his resume wasn’t impressive enough, he even shows us a picture of Barack Obama’s grandmother, as she is the one who fires the starting pistol of a marathon his foundation organizes every year in Kenya. Hmm if you are the head of a foundation do you really think the New York City subway is the best spot to seek funding for your international charity? If you personally know the president’s grandmother wouldn’t she be better to solicit for money than some construction worker on the 1 train?

You might be treated to a spur of the moment concert by some out of work musician who plays the guitar, drums, bass, kazoo, or kazoo made out of a comb and tissue paper. It can also be the cheapskate who doesn’t take the effort to buy an instrument but will regale you with their amazing voice. I know, they’re saving up to get a ticket to audition for American Idol.

There’s also a chance it could be a sports team selling candy to buy new uniforms, rent a bus to drive to the league championship or build a new state of the art training facility. But you are most likely to have Zoe’s sexual epiphany interrupted by Michael Jones (or whatever name they are using) to tell you that he doesn’t play for no basketball team and he is selling candy just to put a little money in his pockets.

I have to admit, out of all the subway solicitors, I like these kids the best. If they are nothing else, they are honest…and I respect that. Now with this being said every so often I throw these kids a few bucks when I have a sweet tooth, but I must admit that their speech does make me scratch my head. It’s the same speech every time regardless of who says it. I’ve had horrible sales jobs and the one thing they all have in common is the fact that they have a presentation that you have to memorize to sell the product. The words are carefully selected and seem to have been written by some marketing firm for maximum effectiveness. The candy speech has the same feel to it. If we look at another commonality, we see the packaging is identical on every one of these kids. Where are they getting these boxes? These are obviously wholesale products, and not the type you can buy at Costco either.

If I look at these two facts it tells me that these kids are organized, and that means that there is a head to this organization. I have a hard time believing it’s a collective of ambitious youths who are conducting their own marketing experiment. I wonder is there some Candy Fagin pimping street urchins out to hawk his wares and in turn they receive a pittance. Or it might be an adult who uses the famous words to hook suckers into sales jobs where there’s no future,just in scams like Herbalife (just Google those two words to see what I mean,) “You will be owning your own business.”

The one part of the speech that disturbs me is that they say they are doing this so they don’t have to “rob nobody,” or sell drugs. Oh so you have two options as far as a career? You can either sell candy or deal drugs and rob people. Those are really the only two choices? And since when did robbery and sale of controlled substances become viable career options? They are the easy way out, a quick road to fast money usually with a bad ending. How about you do what regular kids your age do, you get a paper route or your go work at McDonalds or some other fast food joint for a little more than minimum wage? That’s what I did…I flipped cheese steaks at South Philly Steaks and Fries in The Staten Island Mall. It wasn’t glamorous, or cool, but it was honest and honorable.

Now if it is as it seems where it is just kids who is hustling trying to make an honest buck I seriously commend them. Technically what they are doing is illegal as they need a license, and the MTA won’t let you sell anything on their property unless you pay a hefty tribute to them. But I say Fuck the MTA. They are one of the greediest most corrupt organizations on the planet. They make Enron seem like a company that cared. If by some weird turn I end up running a company I would hire these kids and show them what real work is like. Give them a chance to put that hustle and ambition to good use.

I must admit I am torn with the whole panhandling issue (whether it be selling a fugazy product or not.) I used to be completely anti when I was a cop. Under Emperor Rudy we were told take a zero tolerance policy to panhandlers. I did my job, but at the same time I dealt with them as human beings. They were the lowest rungs of the ladder that was society, but they were still people. I would tell them, “I’m out here till 12:00. When I am here, you are not. Nothing personal, it’s what they’re making me do. Go hang out in the park till then.” I’d usually have no problems. I didn’t bother them, I sure as hell wasn’t taking them to jail as the brass had wanted me to, but at the same time they weren’t on my post.

Then one day I had a situation. It was the only white panhandler I had ever seen on my post. I walked up to him and he shook his cup at me. Was he serious? I was in full uniform and here he was asking for money from me. He must not have read any newspapers lately. City Hall had declared him the enemy. I said to him, “You can’t be serious? You know they want me to lock you up for this. Besides, how about just a tiny bit of respect for the uniform?” He told me that he was just trying to get something to eat. I told the man to come with me.

He and I walked to the coffee cart that was on my post. I asked the man running it to give me a bagel and a cup of coffee. He gave it to me. I let him park his van in commercial parking even though he had passenger plates. He was a working man…why would I want to fuck with him? A bagel and a coffee was like a parking tax, cheap if you ask me. We’d talk and he was kind of like a friend anyway.

So after my friend Hassan gave the food and drink to Mr. Cup Shaker, I sent him on his way. I gave him the speech about not shaking a cup when I was around. He said okay and was gone, or so I thought. Fast forward an half hour or so. I walk up on Mr. Cup Shaker and another homeless guy Charlie that I knew. They were sitting on the curb and talking. Not knowing I was behind him Mr. Cup Shaker took the bagel and proceeded to throw it on the ground. He took the coffee and dumped it out. “I want bacon and eggs,” he barked, “I don’t want this crap.” Let’s just say I was livid. I went out of my way and this was his gratitude for my efforts. Let’s just say Mr. Cup Shaker was not seen in the vicinity of 57th and Broadway ever again. No I didn’t murder him, but I did scare him a little, nothing illegal either. It kind of led me to believe that people who live on the streets shaking a cup are often there by choice. I’ve had other incidents which reinforced this.

On the other hand I feel a great compassion and empathy for people who are truly down and out. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be hungry. I myself walked around the streets begging, it was to stores and companies wearing a suit and begging for a job; but it was a time of desperation of my life so I know the feeling. Human beings who have should help human beings who don’t, provided they want the proverbial hand up and not a hand out. Some of the stories you hear are heartbreaking. They can’t help but move you to tears, but some are rehearsed and that is their exact intention. Just like a movie like Precious can get you to open your wallet with a moving tale so can a story of undeserved tragedy. The hard part is finding out who is being honest and who is worthy of an academy award.

So yeah if you’re just trying to put a little paper in your pocket and my sweet tooth is itching, I’ll give you $1.50 for some m&m’s…peanut please. Now let me get back to my Zane book.

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Acting All Ghetto, These Are The Breaks

Mar 10

A Tale of Two Idiots.

TheGhettoist

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They were the best of pols, they were the worst of pols…nah, they were the worst of pols. Pretty much all politicians suck, and currently the only one I can think of who actually does what he said he would do and has a heart in the right place is Newark Mayor Corey Booker. Watch the series Brick City and you’ll see a man who gets things done, but still genuinely cares about the people who he governs; and best of all he is willing to get his hands dirty to get the job done. What I think speaks most of the man’s character is that from what I have seen he is both pro-cop and pro-pop(ulation) which most mayors are of low income urban areas areusually seen as one or the other. I can go on all day extolling the virtues of Mr. Booker, but this entry is not about him. It is about two politicians who embody the opposite of my favorite mayor. Those pols are The Dishonorable Charles Rangel (or Cash Rangler as I like to call him) and David “the guy who followed the guy who liked hookers” Paterson.

Let’s start with good ole Charlie. He took office in 1971 (yeah, that long ago) when he defeated trail blazing Congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr. He won based on a platform of youth and change. While he was in office he did some good things for Harlem. He turned it into an Economic Empowerment Zone, it’s not there yet, and it will never turn into The Upper West Side, but it’s definitely a better place to live than it was in the early 1990′s. He was a vocal opponent to the war in Iraq, and his call to reinstate the draft ruffled the feathers of old white, out of touch men of power and that’s never a bad thing. He was a supporter of Israel in the Six Day War, which I have to give him kudos for. The man was a war veteran and best of all he was a kid from Harlem, from a single parent home who rose through the ranks and became one of the more powerful men in D.C.

But as he is a public figure, you have to look at some of his misdeeds which I feel define him. First of all you have to look at his role in the cover up of the execution of NYPD Patrolman Phillip Cardillo inside a mosque in Harlem. Rangel sided with his constituents rather than the police who were just doing their job, responding to a call for help. While next to well known militant idiot Louis Farrakhan, Rangel ordered all police out of the mosque or else he could not protect them. Sorry Charlie, I beg to differ. One call for The Tactical Patrol Force (T.P.F.) and I not sure much could have protected the residents of Harlem. Those monsters had one role only, to break heads. The behemoths carried ax handles instead of nightsticks. I am not by any means justifying police brutality. It obviously was a different time, not better by any stretch of the imagination; but that’s the way things were done back then.

I looked, but could not find on the internet Congressman apologized to Cardillo’s son Todd for sabotaging a crime scene and shit canning the investigation. Cardillo’s killer has never been caught, and probably never will. Hey Charlie if you have apologized please let me know, if not don’t you think it’s 37 years overdue?

If we look at some other doozies, we can look at Charlie’s tax problems. He claims to represent the people of Harlem, but yet lists DC as his primary address. Now I’m not sure where in D.C. he claims to live but I can tell you for sure it’s nowhere near Howard University. It’s probably in a pretty nice area but I’m sure it’s only so he doesn’t have a long commute. Apparently by living in D.C. he gets a pretty good homestead tax break. When he is not there though, he has not one but three rent controlled apartments. I’m sure you’re doing good for the country and the world, but don’t you think three families could benefit from affordable housing. I’m sure you ran on a platform that promised affordable housing, you had a chance to really keep a campaign promise but you blew it. Couple that with the fact he has an apartment in The D.R. that he makes rental income off of and never told the IRS about and I would say Charlie does not keep his house (or housing in order.) The man came under investigation for storing his Mercedes in The House of Representatives garage. Really you can’t afford a garage on $174,000 a year?

Charlie’s latest scandal involves him taking trips to the Caribbean which were paid for by corporations. Gee whiz, is it possible that when it comes time to create tax policy you might be influenced by somebody who gave you a free vacation to a tropical location? Hell, buy me dinner and I’ll write an amazing blog about you. Charlie is claiming he had no idea about it. I guess his staff must not tell him much, either that or he’s got so much money he never thinks about it. If he has that much money then he must have done something he shouldn’t have been. Let’s face it $174,000 a year is not enough money to not care about money.

So with an impressive resume of a few of the deadly sins (sloth, gluttony and greed) Charlie wanted to preserve his legacy by adding pride to the list. He used his Congressional office (in the illegal rent control apartment) to raise money for a public policy institute (exactly what a public policy institute does is a mystery to me) bearing his name. Talk about vain. Rangel has done some good things in his career, but the fact is that he is greedy and seemingly complacent. He until yesterday headed the most powerful sub-committee in Washington and should we have somebody with questionable ethics determining where the money goes? I think Rangel should go the way of Evan Bayh and decide he’s done enough good, and step aside and let somebody else serve the residents of Harlem. Isn’t that what it actually is about…public service?

Our second idiot David Patterson has come under much fire lately for his ordering the New York State Police to shit can an assault one of his top aides committed against their girlfriend. Patterson has come under fire by critics often and really hasn’t done much to quiet them. Within a few days of his swearing in it came out that he had an affair. Okay, not earth shattering news, but it’s an indicator of things to come. My main problems with the man is that his proposed budget rode on the back of the middle and lower class. It imposed taxes on things like soda and movie tickets. Times are tough, but how about hitting the rich. Everybody complains the middle class is vanishing, well be all means help speed the disappearance. He lets the MTA run unchecked. Most people don’t realize that the MTA is not a government agency. It is what is called a public benefit corporation. It’s a private company that serves the general public. How is it serving the public by cutting Metro Cards for students? How about you keeping contractors hired by the MTA in check? I have some insider info that contractors cost the MTA hundreds of millions every year with illegal practices. That’s for a whole other discussion though. Take the whole Aqueduct mess and you have painted a picture of a man who should not be where he is.

Worst of all, the man has no leadership qualities. The New York State Senate which is the most dysfunctional organization I have ever seen had itself hijacked by two spoiled brats (one who has since been removed from office for beating up his girlfriend, but has vowed to run again) and Davey did nothing to stop the temper tantrum. Does the man have no pride, or ego? He let state government be shut down and I can’t remember him making a single statement about it.

One of the few decisions I agree with is that Paterson did pardon Slick Rick from his attempted murder charges which ceased his deportation. I guess my love of LaDiDaDi and Children’s Story is greater than my love for justice in this case. But understand the man did serve his time, and nobody was killed. The whole deportation was a political move, I guess some I.C.E. official took exception to Treat Her Like a Prostitute. I have an idea for Dave when he leaves office he can be kind of like The Wizard of Oz for hip hop stars. I mean Slick Rick is now back home. He can find Bushwick Bill an eye. He can get Roxanne Shante real PhD, and he can get MC Search and Pete Nice back together.

UPDATE: As I was finishing this entry, a new scandal broke involving David Paterson. It appears that he is now under fire for an issue involving free Yankee tickets. My feeling is this, if you are the governor of a state and a team in that state is playing in The World Series, you should be able to attend the game, and for free. You are the highest politician in the state, and it’s just the way things are. I still think that Paterson is not qualified to govern. Hell Slick Rick might be more qualified than David Paterson. He’s just not the man for the job. At the same time I think there is a witch hunt and he unfortunately is going to have to step down early. The man is the ultimate lame duck, and now he’s kind of the underdog that people often root for. I am not rooting for him, but I say let him serve out his term. Nothing is going to get done in the state government anyway, it hasn’t in a couple years. Let the man have his dignity. He is owed that at least. November is not as far away as it seems.

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Acting All Ghetto, Rhymin and stealin

Feb 10

Ghetto Hoochie of The Year Award

TheGhettoist

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I know it’s early in the year to give out awards, but I think this one is sewn up already. Besides, it’s my blog and I give out the awards so if I want to amend the award, it’s my right. This nominee is proof that ghetto has nothing to do with color. I’m hoping you agree with my nomination.

Yesterday I was watching The View. Yes, the view; it’s okay call me a bitch. I can handle it. I watch The View because I play a little drinking game. Whenever Sherrie says something stupid you drink one sip. When Elizabeth says something with a right wing agenda you drink two drinks, and when Whoopi rolls the area where her eyebrows used to be finish what’s in your glass. Most days I’m bombed by 11:25 AM EST. So the ladies of The View had The Octomom as their guest. You’ll notice the tone of this entry is a little more biting than usual, but this bitch makes my blood boil. I get a visceral reaction every time I see her on television or in the news paper. She’s an easy target, but now that she has a book and reality show she is fair game. She used to be a pitiful figure, now she’s a media personality.

I’m a big believer that if you put yourself out into the spotlight, then you better be prepared to be tried in the court of public opinion. Not that I am anybody, but I’m prepared for it. I write and I put it out there for the public to read. My writing and I are in fair play. If you want to call me out for using a semi colon instead of a comma (true story), then be prepared to get it back. But if you want to call my ideas and ideals out on the carpet, go for it. I welcome it.

So back to our Ghetto Hoochie of The Year or GHTY. I’m all for exploiting your talent. And you should be paid for said talent if you can do it. I have no problem with that. If you’re a reality star, and you’re milking your fifteen minutes, go for it. It doesn’t last forever. But like I stated earlier, be prepared for what comes with it. Can somebody please tell me what this woman’s God given talent is other than an Adamantium uterus? I was going to say titanium, but even that has a breaking point. I can go on about this bitch forever and it’s not fair to you, you’ve heard it all before and I’m sure you feel the same.

Here is why she wins the award. First of all she has too many kids. She had six already and rather than getting her tubes tied she decides to have another one. She got eight in the process. Is there such a big difference in from having six kids and then having a seventh? I could see going from one to two, but six to seven? She already had a hockey team, I guess she needed another skater for when she pulled the goalie. I knew kids who were the youngest 13. Understand that this was in 70′s and they were Irish. They were Catholic and they were still following the antiquated views of the church. The only times you hear about families that big are the hood, if they’re Mormon, or in reality shows because they’re that rare.

Second, she’s living off public assistance. She claims she is not, but what the hell is disability? What the hell is financial aid? They are handouts paid by the government that come from tax dollars. She might have gotten hurt working for the short time she did work, but she’s not working now. That’s a hand out. I’m not disputing if she’s hurt or not, but she didn’t actually work for the money. She got financial aid while she was in school. That’s still a hand out. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but you don’t get paid to go to school. It’s all hand outs. You’re not working for it and it all comes from the givernment (yes the misspelling is intentional.) Own it bitch. I’m on public assistance. I’m not proud of it, but I am collecting unemployment. I’ve had a job virtually every day of my life since I was sixteen, but every week I get a hand out from an entity other than my job. The economy sucks, and sometimes you need help. It’s not a good thing, but sometimes it’s necessary. But taking that money that was given to you and using it to have another kid when you have six, which is a lot to begin with, it’s tantamount to buying a Lexus and living in the projects. Think about how much baby stuff she could have bought for her six kids as opposed to having another eight embryos implanted.

She has an unrealistic sense of entitlement. She’s now got a reality show and a book deal. She did NOTHING to deserve them. She’s like the kid from the hood who auditions for American Idol and can’t sing. She’s the kid who says he’s going to play pro ball but yet has no jump shot and refuses to practice. She thinks everything in her world is okay and that she did nothing wrong. She’s delusional. She denies having plastic surgery, but the untouched photos are all over the internet. For some reason she thinks she’s so interesting and deserves what she is getting. It’s a real shame that she was just that crazy bitch with the million kids and now she is approaching John Mayer territory. She now has a staff of people telling her how great she is and how she can have anything she wants. The worst part of this whole thing is that she’s now going to have fourteen kids thinking it’s okay to behave as they choose and not have any ramifications. Fourteen crazy trust fund babies running around.

So Octomom, I give you the award of The Ghetto Hoochie of The Year. This is the one thing that you have earned…maybe the only thing I know of. But the award is not all fun and games. With great power comes great responsibility. With this award part of your duties are to pay back all the money you took in public assistance, but keep a little bit for yourself. Get yourself a nice tube tying and head to your local Home Depot and pick up a blow torch. Head over to the clinic and scorch any eggs you still have frozen. If you want to donate that uterus of yours to science please do. Maybe scientists can replicate it and make a stronger armor for tanks and planes. Our boys overseas need it.

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Acting All Ghetto, White People

Feb 10

That’s the Sound of The Beast

TheGhettoist

1 Comment »

I want to talk about something that I think is important, life and death even. This is an area where I think I can provide insight that can save lives and make the quality of life easier. I want to discuss getting pulled over and confrontations with the police. I am well aware of the inherent tension between young men of color and law enforcement. Now I know it’s not every case, but I can tell you from what I have seen it is the rule rather than the exception. I do understand both sides of the argument, and it’s kind of like a he said she said situation. The cops are just harassing me because I’m black/Spanish/Middle Eastern. Well he matched the description.

The truth is there are realities involved here. The police have a job to do and it does have potential for danger. If you have been to one police funeral, you have been to too many. Knowing that this day of work could be your last on earth can put a person a little on edge. Most of the time when the police arrive it’s because they have been summoned by somebody for whatever reason. There’s a good chance that the reason could be you. Now I am not saying you did anything wrong but there’s a chance that the crazy old lady on the eight floor picked up the phone and called 911 to say that you were selling drugs. Regardless of if you were or not, the police still have to go to the scene and investigate. It’s their job…they raise their right hand and take an oath. Doctors take oaths and you’d be pretty upset if you went to a doctor and they didn’t treat you. Now with this being said, I know the police could be less gruff when they go about this appointed task. I have no choice to be honest though, I have done it both ways.

I’ve rolled up on a bunch of men hanging outside the projects, lights on, breaks screeching, screaming up against the wall mother fuckers. Legs were kicked out, bodies were thrown down, hats and beepers slammed on the floor. Was it right, not really. But when you get a call of a man with a gun in an exact location, with a detailed description, and said person just so happens to be in the spot where they were alleged to be; then the adrenaline starts flowing and you are ready to go. As I got older and wiser, I realized that most of the calls I went on were unfounded. It could be that crazy old woman on the eight floor or it could be somebody who had a beef with said person. There is a chance that said male could truly be up to no good.

Criminals have been known to carry guns, but after I became a little older and a little wiser I saw a whole new way of doing things. My new approach was this: I’d roll up slowly, there’s no need for lights and sirens when I get there. If said person was in possession of a firearm, this would only help to elevate their nervousness and that’s when bad things can happen. I’d approach and address the crowd as gentlemen. Listen Mutt has a way of riling people up and with cooler heads there is less friction. In a direct and commanding voice I would tell everybody for their safety and mine to please turn around and place their hands on the wall. I’d like to say something like “Gentlemen, I know you’ve done this before, and you know how the game is played. The more cooperative you are the quicker I will be out of your hair.” I would do my search and if it turned up nothing, I would pull the person who was the subject of the call and ask the dispatcher to replay the description of the person in question. When they heard the suspect was a male black 5’9″ to 6’1″, 180 pounds wearing blue jeans, work boots and and a Tim Brown jersey standing in front of 428 W 27th Street, it was not racial, it was not personal it was just part of the job.

I tell you that story not for you to say, wow he’s a nice guy; or he was a good cop. I tell you to show you that there can be another way to do things, but sometimes life gets in the way and being human clouds judgment. And if you are confronted by the police you need to keep this issues in mind. These are men and women who ultimately want to go home at the end of the day. I know it’s hard to think about that when you are being pulled over or being held on a wall at gunpoint. We’re taught in the academy that car stops and family disputes are the two most dangerous encounters we will have out there, so again when you encounter the police in one of those situations there is a good chance they will be on edge.

This is a subject that we can debate forever, but there is a reality involved here. I just want to leave you with some tips for dealing with the police in confrontational situations:

You can’t win the battle. No matter what you say, or do you will not ever win the argument with a cop. You can call them whatever you, say whatever you want to them but the fact remains that if a cop wants to arrest you or give you a ticket they are going to. If you’re bigger than they are, they will call their friends, colleagues, and co workers. Nothing gets a cop more fired up than to run to another cop’s aide.
If you are pulled over then stop the car. Don’t make the cop chase you. He’s going to be pissed if he has to chase you If you think it’s not a real cop then call 911 and drive slowly until the dispatcher can sort this out. That doesn’t mean that you can speed away. Put your hazards on and drive slowly. The cop will get it. If it’s a marked police car, then the chance of it being an imposter is pretty damn slim. If Rodney King pulled over, the riots never happen.
Turn the interior light. There is nothing cops hate more than not being able to see. If you are not doing anything wrong you really have nothing to fear. If you are doing something wrong the cop will find out and it will be harder. If you have tint, roll the windows down…all of them. I know it’s cold, but you’ll live and live longer by doing it.
Keep your hands where the officer can see them. If it’s a car stop keep your hands on the wheel. If it’s a personal stop, take your hands out of your pocket and leave them in plain sight. Hands kill, period! It can be on a gun, with a knife, it can be with a bat, but it’s your hands that cops worry about.
Do not get out of the car. You might have something very important to say but you can wait till the cop walks back to the car. Getting a ticket will suck, but getting arrested or shot is much worse. If the cop directs you to get out of the car then do so.
No sudden movements. I think this one is self explanatory.
Do what the cop tells you. Don’t reach for your wallet in the glove compartment. I know you want to get out your license, but wait till the cops asks for it, and then tell the officer where your wallet is and that you are going for it. Communication will only make the situation better for everybody involved.

Now I am sure you are saying to yourself, “Why the hell should I have to listen to them? All they are going to do is harass me.” No that’s not true. It might seem that you are being harassed, but the cop chances are is just doing his job. Now you can easily say that cops do harass people of color and often. I respond with this, there are thousands of cops out there. New York City has close to 40,000. They interact with hundreds of thousands of people every day and yes there are incidents, but compared with the number of confrontations the number is small. I’m not denying the fact that cops can be assholes. I’ve been one, and I’ve worked with assholes. There is a percentage of people who are just assholes, regardless of what they do for a living. The police are never called when things are good. You never pick up the phone, dial 911 and say “Operator, I’m loving life right now, please send armed men to my apartment so I can tell them.” And the fact of the matter is that bad interactions with the police do tend to stick in one’s memory. With that in your memory, it’s easy to make an assumption about somebody strictly based on their uniform…just as easy as it is to make an assumption based on skin color.

I am going to conclude now. I’ve said a lot here. You might be thinking that it’s all about cops racially profiling people of color, and that’s the subject for a whole other blog entry.

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Acting All Ghetto, Rhymin and stealin, These Are The Breaks, White People